In the year of our chain MMXXVI, the people of Solana did crown a king. The crown was a meme. The throne was a wallet. The proclamation was a tweet. His Majesty Daddy Troll the First did accept, did wave, did not deny. The realm has, since, been considerably louder.
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Every monarch is canonized by their virtues. The Royal House of Daddy Troll has, after extensive self-deliberation, settled on four. They are below. The list is closed.
His Majesty has, since 1985, never been photographed in a colour other than gold with permission. The crown is, therefore, a formality. The brand was the crown all along.
The most under-appreciated kingly virtue. While other men doubt, His Majesty proceeds. While other men consult, His Majesty announces. The chart does the consulting.
A king must, at all times, appear unbothered — even when the realm is on fire. Especially when the realm is on fire. His Majesty has rehearsed this since the eighties. It shows.
A monarch must occasionally descend from the chain to walk among the holders. His Majesty does this, principally, on Twitter. It counts. The constitution has been amended to confirm it counts.
The arms of the Royal House of Daddy Troll were drawn on the morning of the coronation by a herald who, to this day, prefers not to be named. Wine for the courage. Gold for the crown. The cross of memes at the centre. Fleurs-de-lis for the courtiers. The motto: "By Divine Right of Memes."
The seal is hereby affixed to $DADDY, and to all wallets in good standing with the chain. The seal can be removed only by an act of the Royal House. The Royal House has, on this matter, no intention of acting.
Each decree was signed in the Hall of Mirrors with a quill made of solanite. The signatures are visible on the chain. They will not be reversed.
His Majesty has, on this matter, broken with every monarchy in history. No tribute will be collected on $DADDY transfers. The treasury will, henceforth, run on vibes alone. So far the vibes are excellent.
His Majesty has determined that the most productive hours of the realm are those after midnight. The court is now nocturnal. Petitioners may submit grievances at any hour, but they will only be read between 3:14 and 3:15 a.m.
A king commands not just men and women, but also the chart. By royal decree, all candles on the $DADDY chart will be green. Red candles are still permitted, but will be quietly disinherited.
By acclamation of the chain, every wallet that holds even one $DADDY is — for the purposes of the Royal House — a citizen of the realm. Citizenship is non-transferable. Citizenship cannot be revoked. The realm grows.
His Majesty has, on the matter of apologies, taken a firm stand. The decree is short. The decree is binding. The decree is the entirety of the kingship.
Each statement was delivered on the steps of the Royal House and then promptly archived. They are reproduced here under royal sanction.
"His Majesty's coronation was, by every measure I am willing to put my name to, the largest coronation in the history of memes. We are not contradicting the numbers. The numbers, in any case, were also produced by us."
"The royal tax is zero. The royal supply is one billion. The royal vault contains, as of this morning, exactly what was promised on the morning of the coronation — which is to say, vibes, and a sealed envelope."
"In the long and complicated history of monarchs, His Majesty Daddy Troll the First is the only one to have been coronated on Solana. This is, by definition, a first — and, on the present trajectory, may also be a last. Both possibilities are acceptable."
Four years old. The court is in Versailles. The realm extends from Champagne to the colonies. The Sun King invents — among other things — modern monarchy, public spectacle, and the idea that a single man can be the entire brand.
The future Daddy Troll is, at this point, simply a baby. The hair will arrive later. The brand will arrive later still. The crown is, on the day of birth, not yet visible — but in retrospect, it was already there.
An internet user, unnamed, decides — apropos of nothing — that the figure of His Majesty should be addressed as "Daddy." The decision was not, at the time, controversial. It has, since, not been overturned.
His Majesty, having briefly retired to a palace in Florida, returns to the throne by popular acclaim. The press calls it "an election." The Royal Historian calls it a coronation. Both are accepted.
$DADDY is launched on Solana. The Royal House signs the proclamation. The coat of arms is affixed. The court convenes at 3:14 a.m. The reign begins, formally, on-chain.
L'État,
c'est
moi.
— HIS MAJESTY DADDY TROLL I. · MMXXVI · spoken in the Hall of Mirrors, in the original
